Push by Sapphire - T'Keyah Johnson Journal Blog : 2012

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Journal Entry #15

As the book comes to a close, I am very disappointed. The book has not much of an ending to what will become of Precious life. She continues to go to school, love Abdul, but there is not much more on her struggle with the disease. If I could make up an alternative ending for the book it would probably include, Precious building a strong relationship with her mother, beginning a family with her son, finding a true love, finishing her GED, preparing for college, and taking the fight against HIV. Precious does mention a bit of joy, and this joy comes from her son. “Look his nose is so shiny, his eyes shiny. He my shiny brown boy. In his beauty I see my own. He pulled on my earring, want me to stop daydreaming and read him a story before nap time. I do.” (140) The author does include the Each One Teach One “Life Book”, which is a “sample” of all of the classmates - including Precious's - poems and testimonies. They were very interesting to read and involved struggles similar to Precious, such as unstable relationships with family and rape among family members. Overall, I expected a better ending but, this book was amazing. The thrills, imagery, and excitement made this novel a “page-turner”.

Words: 218

Journal Entry #14

“How we would be if life was perfect. I tell you one thing right now, I would be light skinned, thereby treated right and loved by boyz. Light even more important than being skinny; you see them light-skinned girls that's big an' fat, they got boyfriends.” (114)

“Then, this part is hard to say, because so much of my heart is love for Abdul. But I be a girl or woman – yeah girl, 'cause I would still be a girl now if I hadn't had no kids. I would be a virgin like Michael Jackson, like Madonna. I would be a different Precious Jones. My bress not big, my bra be little 'n pink like fashion girl. My body be like Whitney. I would be thighs not big etc etc.” (115)

These excerpts come from Precious as she thinking about the “perfect” life and the “perfect” image, after she finds out she has the HIV virus. It was sad to me when I read this and the author's tone is very concerned and serious. It upset me because I hear stereotypes like the ones above everyday. Light-skinned people are seen by some as always prettier over dark-skinned people. This has never been true to me. I remember watching the news channel the other week and there was an elementary dark-skinned girl. The report was on low self-esteem and how your skin color affects that. It does not leave my head that this little girl felt she was ugly, and wanted to be light skinned because, she was dark-skinned and in her mind that was not pretty. It gets really sad when skin complexion plays a role in the perception of beauty. I could feel where Precious was coming from when she wishes she was a virgin. However, that is something that cannot change and will never come back. I believe that Precious felt this way because everyone wants to be able to lose something so important to the one they really love. Precious was not given this choice, she was not ready, and this was wrongfully taken away from her. Precious seemed to have everything together, but now she thinks the thoughts that will have her falling apart. However, what Precious is feeling is normal. Especially as a teenager, we all battle with self-esteem issues and being the “cover girl”. This book has definitely been interesting and there are twists and turns at every corner.

Words: 408

Journal Entry #13

Bad news: Precious tested HIV positive. “This is the biggest thing happen to Precious P. Jones in her life. I got the AIDS virus. That what tess say.” (93) Wow! When I found out the results of the test I was shocked. I have to admit I even cried. I really did not expect this to happen. For me, it changed the whole meaning of the story. It made me feel like there is never any hope, and when things go right, something else goes wrong. I am questioning a lot of things now, and more importantly the reasoning behind the test. Maybe if Precious had tested negative, there could be more hope for her. She now has to worry about her own health, while also the concerns of continuing a good education and supporting her son. This part of the story has became “alive” to me, and I believe people go through these things every day. However, there was a bit of good in this whole situation. Abdul is healthy and he does not have the virus.

Words: 178

Journal Entry #12

Just as thought everything was going well in the novel, things want to turn upside down. I am even finding myself having to “push”, in order to get through the book without tears. “Little Mongo”, Precious first born, has been placed in a special institution. Her grandmother can longer “control” her and her intellectual level is way below what it should be. There is no hope of Precious ever getting Mongo, at least no time soon. The biggest shock comes when Precious mother, Mary, comes to visits her at the advancement house. She apparently has to speak to her daughter about something very important. “She look down say, “Your daddy dead.” She come out the house to tell me that! So what! I’m glad the ni**** dead. No, I don’t mean that but so what. Mama quiet. Mama say, “Carl had the AIDS virus.” (85) As I read this part, I dropped my book. It was one thing for Carl, Precious father, to have died, but it is another for him to have AIDS. As AIDS is a very serious disease, it is crucial that people at risk be tested. Being that Precious had sex numerous times with Carl, there is a chance that she may have the disease. Also, Mongo and Abdul could be exposed as well. However, I find myself being grateful for Mary to come and tell Precious the truth. Precious could have not known the whole life about this new finding. I am hoping that Precious does not have the disease, and I predict that she does not have the disease. At this time of the story, I feel like this is the rising action of the story. Whether or not Precious or her children have the virus, will probably make up the climax. (fingers crossed)

Words: 300

Journal Entry #11

I have noticed that as the book has been progressing, Precious literary skills are improving in her “voice”. The dialect - specifically the slang - is pretty much the same, but the “baby” words are matching her improved intelligence. Also, Precious has now ran away from home. I believe this is not a sign of fear, but rather strength. Precious is becoming more independent and knows she wants to make something of her own. She is only a teenager and with a baby she will need support. However, she is determined to seek it in the right place. This is where Ms. Rain comes to the rescue! I see Ms. Rain as a character that could be a symbol of a Christ figure. She does what she can and needs to do to help the well-being of someone in need. It is hinted that she has a personal connection to Precious like no other in the classroom can understand. Ms. Rain is upset by Precious parents and their behaviors. She wishes to confront them, and sends Precious to an advancement house. The house main priority is to help young women, with and without children, advance to the next level (whatever that might be). More importantly, Abdul is able to be under adult supervision while Precious is at the alternative school.

Words: 220

Journal Entry #10

Words: 220

Journal Entry #9

Precious has finally had birth to her second child! “Boy. It’s a boy. Borned at Harlem Hospital January 15, 1988. Abdul Jamal Louis Jones. This is my baby’s name. Abdul mean servant of god; Jamal, I forgot; Louis for Farrakhan of course (Farrakhan is Precious idol).” (67) By this time, Precious is reading much higher - about a fifth or sixth grade level. She mentions that her greatest joy comes from reading to Abdul which she aspires for him to become intelligent, and someone important in the world. The love she shows for her son is unconditional. Fortunately, Abdul has no mental or physical defects. Little Mongo now lives with Precious's grandmother because of her condition. Since she does not have Mongo, Precious is happy to have and love someone on her own. At this point of the book, I believe Precious character is changing. Although she does not feel she has the love of her mother and father, Precious has other friends who she considers her family. She is close with the children at the alternative school, and she loves her teacher. Her son provides her with so much joy and she feels she can finally love someone, who will love her back. Precious has now realized she is someone to somebody, and somebody does love her. She is becoming more self confident and her reading and writing has greatly improved.

Words: 226

Journal Entry #8

OMG! “I walk to my muver’s room but it look different, she looks different. I look like little baby almost. She is talkin’ sweet to me like sometimes Daddy talks. I am choking between her legs A HUH A HUH. She is smelling big woman smell. She say suck it, lick me Precious. Her hand is like a mountain pushing my head down. I squeeze my eyes shut but choking don’t stop, it get worse. Then I open my eyes and look. I look at little Precious and big Mama and feel hit feeling, feel like killing Mama.” (59) The author uses this to show a bit of unnecessary imagery, that gives the reader more detail of the abuse. However, the shock comes that Precious mother is abusing her sexually as well. Precious thoughts of killing her mother seem to be natural to me, but the way she reacts is very interesting. I couldn’t imagine myself or anyone being put into this situation, but if I were, I believe that I would confide in someone. I would maybe talk to a close friend or family member who I knew I could trust. I might even consider running away, but I don’t think I could go to the police. Reading this upset me and my heart goes out to all of the young girls who have experienced this. May you find the happiness and strength you need to move on and “push!”

Words: 241

Journal Entry #7

Becoming adjusted to Each one/Teach One has been a milestone for Precious. One of the reasons she is so successful comes from a feeling of being understood. No one in her class judges her, no one bullies her, and no one questions her pregnancies or life mistakes. The class is writing a life book that will tell of their struggles and journey to the alternative school. Personally, I can not wait to find out the classmates stories and relate them to the main character life. The class includes: Ms. Blue Rain, Precious teacher who is proud of the fact that she is a lesbian. There is also Rhonda Patrice Johnson, Precious says, “Rhonda big, taller than me, light skin but it don’t do nuffin’ for her. She ugly, got big lips, pig nose, she fat fat and her hair rusty color but short short.” (43) Also in the class is Rita Romero, who claims she was an addict and dropped out of high school. Jermaine is a lesbian in the class, Jo Ann is a loud-mouthed girl who has ambition to own a record label, and Consuelo Montenegro who believes she does not belong in the Pre-GED class. Together these teens make up Each One, Teach One and I predict that they will have a huge impact on Precious and her success at the alternative school.

Words: 226

Journal Entry #6

Precious has now been at the alternative school for several days, and she loves it. She is reading at a second grade level, which is still extremely low for her age group. However, Ms. Rain makes the class write in their journal everyday. People often say, “if you can read, than you can write.” The class gets angry at her because they don’t seem to understand why they should write, if they can barely read. As I think about this tactic, I believe it is clever. I often don’t understand why teachers use the methods they do. However, I can see how this technique could be useful. It allows the learner to be more confident in their writing, although they will get frustrated. After the student writes in their journal, Ms. Rain translates what they were trying to write, under their entry. They are able to see the correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar they were supposed to use. She then responds to their entries. I am predicting that within several weeks, Precious will be able to read on a junior high school level. I am now beginning to see the meaning of the title, Push. All of Precious life she has had to “push”, she has to push through labor, push through her father’s sexual abuse, push through bullying, push to obtain her Pre-GED, and more importantly, push through her pain. Sadly, as good as it sounds, I don’t think her “pushing” is over yet. By reading through Precious struggles so far, I believe the theme is centered around pushing. If I were to make up a theme for this story, it would probably be about life and the hard obstacles we face. We come to the crossroads more than once in life, but it is up to us to push through these problems to see what life really has to offer. When we do this, we can finally feel the joy we need to live a more productive life.

Words: 330

Journal Entry #5

Precious experience with bullying in elementary school, her father’s sexual abuse, and the beginning of an exciting adventure at the alternative school are now introduced. One of the evident factors that contribute to Precious low self-esteem is the bullying she has suffered from. She remembers specific comments some of the kids have said about her. In first grade, a boy says, “Pick up your lips Claireece ‘fore you trip over them.” (38) It is surprising that first graders want to bully each other. When I was in first grade, I never wanted to bully anyone. I was more concerned about learning how to play cooperatively with others, share my toys at recess, and make friends. I know that teachers can not be in every place at one time, but I believe teachers are part of the problem. On page 39, Precious says “I hate myself I HATE myself.” Who could ever imagine a first-grader saying this to themselves?

“Seven, he on me almost every night. First it’s just in my mouth. Then it’s more more. He is intercoursing me. Say I can take it. Look you don’t even bleed, virgin girls bleed. You not virgin. I’m seven.” (39) Precious is now reflecting on some of the rape she has experienced by her father. She admits that the abuse began when she was seven; her father must have been a really “sick” guy. I am now wondering what causes a “man”, a father at that, to do such a criminal, disgusting sexual act to a seven-year old. Maybe it is the feeling of insecurities within oneself. Maybe he had problems finding women and uses children as a “back up”. I wonder if there are others involved, maybe Precious is not his only victim. Where is his father, and how would a mother respond to there son raping her granddaughter?

Words: 309

Journal Entry #4

“I big, I talk, I eats, I cook, I laugh, watch TV, do what my muver say. But I can see when the picture come back I don’t exist. Don’t nobody want me. Don’t nobody need me. I know who I am. I know who they say I am - vampire sucking the system’s blood. Ugly black grease to be wipe away, punish, kilt, changed, finded a job for.” (31) When I read this quote from Precious, I was hurt, angry, and confused. This quote makes me think about the novel in terms of a theme, symbols, and the title of the novel. The author uses the symbol of a “vampire”, characters who “suck the life” out of something or someone. They are seen as negative characters in terms of their personal traits. Precious thinks, “I know who they say I am - vampire sucking the system’s blood.” I think this displays some of the typical stereotypes presented by society, the stereotypes about blacks, pregnant teens, and even those who are obese. This may sound a bit harsh, but this is what I think of when I heard that quote. By the system she means the government, the people who offer food stamps, Medicaid, and other public services. By the system she means the system that does not want her to, nor thinks she will succeed because she is black. By the system she means the people who think she will live off of these programs everyday and not support her own self. I mean it was her own fault she had got pregnant. Even the people who see an obese teenager, who believes all she does is sit around and eat, and therefore cannot make a living for herself. This is what comes to mind by the “system”, but in fact the system could be considered a vampire. The people in the system are in fact sucking the life out of Precious and therefore leaves her feeling invisible, wanted for nothing, and insecure. So, do I see Precious as a victim? Yes, I see her as a lost soul searching for the love, independence, and freedom she needs and deserves. She has been through “hell” already and it is evident in the way she portrays herself.

Words: 377

Journal Entry #3

A huge surprise has came to Precious! The same principal who suspended her from the local junior high school, recommends her to a school called “Each One Teach One - Higher Learning”. The school is an alternative school and helps teens receive their Pre-GED and GED degrees. Precious, now at the age of sixteen, still cannot read at all and barely recognizes numbers. She is placed in the Pre-GED class with her teacher, “Miz Rain”. I began to recognize the author’s dialect and how it places emphasis on the book. When I read the book aloud, I tried to read in an accent of a “New-Yorker”, since the book is set in Harlem. More specifically, the author uses a lot of slang and improper terms. Instead of saying nothing she may use the word “nuffin’”, or instead of miss, the word “miz” is used. In my opinion this comes from the typical language of modern-day teenagers. Since Precious cannot read or write, she uses a lot of “baby” words and is not expected to talk proper. There is also a lot of repetition used which may have been used to make the reader pay special attention to the point being made.

Words: 202

Journal Entry #2

In the next few pages of the novel, the author provides a brief description of Precious. She was born on November 4, 1970, and when she has her first child she is twelve years old. However, the book flashes back from the time she is twelve until the present day, she is now sixteen. She is heavyset for her age, weighing over two hundred pounds. She is also very dark skinned. The author also mentions that the kids at school make fun of her. “Claireece is so ugly she lagging ugly”, one kid remarks. (12) Her mother is named Mary L. Johnston, who is mentioned as being much larger and uglier than Precious. She is cruel to Precious and blames her for “sleeping with her husband.” Precious father is named Carl Kenwood Jones. Precious and her mother live in the Bronx. Carl is not married to Mary, despite the fact she considers him “husband”. Carl only comes around to rape his daughter, and then has sex with Precious mother. Precious first child is named Mongoloid, commonly referred to as “Mongo” or “Little Mongo”, because she is named after the down syndrome she has. Precious says “Baby’s face is smashed flat like pancake, eyes is all slanted up like Koreans, tongue goin ‘ in ‘n out like some kinda snake.” (17) It is hinted that the child suffered from oxygen deprivation at birth, which probably could have been prevented if Precious had proper prenatal care. Her mother knew about the pregnant child and did not try to take her to a doctor. Also, the incest probably led to the development of the child, but Precious also never saw a doctor during her pregnancy. However, it is a blessing that the child remained alive.

As I read about the family, I see why Precious life is so dysfunctional. The first thing that caught my mind is Precious mother, Mary. It saddened me that she blames her daughter for all that has happened to her, when Precious had no control. As a personal connection, there is no doubt in my mind that my mother would call the police on my father, if she did not kill him first. Wouldn't any mother do this for their child? It disgust me that a father would want to have a sexual relationship with their child, and especially at such a young age.

Words: 394

Journal Entry #1

Today I have just began reading the novel Push by Sapphire. From the couple of pages I have read, I know this book will be interesting. I have already began to make some analysis of the characters and their motives behind some of their actions. The main character is Claireece “Precious” Jones. The author uses flashbacks of Precious childhood experiences, which I believe is to help the reader better understand the insecurities involved. The book begins with Precious being suspended from her junior high school, because she is pregnant. When I first read this I was extremely shocked and thought about the “leaks” in school systems today. Sometimes they don’t always have the child’s best interest at heart. They make assumptions about students that act out in their classroom and young females who are pregnant. They don’t take the time to talk with some of these students and see what causes their actions. For the majority of these teens, it is their home life. Little did the principal know that this would be Precious second child, with both being victims of incest by her “father of the year”. Precious is upset about leaving the school because she loves her math class. She mentions that she can not understand it because “all the pages look alike”, referring to her textbook. She senses that her male teacher understands this and loves her. I believe that this special connection she shares with her teacher comes from the feelings of needing and wanting love. She probably easily forms bonds to make up for her dysfunctional home life. The next couple pages rewinds even further back to where Precious is having her first baby on the kitchen floor. One of the EMS staff says, “Precious, it’s almost here. I want you to push, you hear me momi, when that hit you again, go with it and push, Preschecita. Push.” (10) This is the first mention of the book’s title.

Words: 329